Milk retrospective: Alcoholic mother in training

One of my very first posts, just to tickle your fancy while I continue my unplanned break from writing anything new. Not that i’m fuzzy headed or incapacitated or anything…..

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When I first saw these on bottles I had just given birth to my second son. Second time round it had been hard. I had found pregnancy pretty miserable – struggling 40 miles into work each day, coping with a demanding toddler, trying to stay balanced. Yes, I had enjoyed a couple of drinks here and there just to keep me feeling “normal”, less fed up about all the things i couldn’t or wasn’t allowed to do.

As far as i knew that wasn’t illegal…..in fact, I had pretty much followed the UK guidelines to the letter. (no more than one or two units a couple of times a week.) So when i saw this new labelling I was pretty annoyed. How patronising, condescending, sexist. Were women incapable of making their own informed, sensible decisions? Apparently not. Perhaps all those pregnancy hormones running around our bodies do turn previously well-adjusted, sensible women into irresponsible nutcases? In any case, surely it’s a question of closing the stable door after the horse has bolted? Presumably by the time women see this label they’ll have already purchased the bottle, and as they say, once purchased always consumed. (or is that what i say?)

As far as i know under 18s still can’t buy alchohol, and it’s definitely illegal to give any to the under 5s, so where are the symbols of small kids with a line through them? And what about the fat-arsed, beer- bellied men who regularly put themselves at risk of heart attacks? Perhaps they couldn’t fit those on the label.

Apparently staying at home can make mothers drink. According to Dr Toni Galardi we are most likely to turn to alchohol to cope with the demands of children if we have previously had a successful career. Weary, dejected, we turn to alcohol to dull the boredom. No hope for me then.

So perhaps this drinking lark during pregnancy is beneficial after all. It must be good practise to have a few just to get into the swing of things for what’s to come.

Click here for referenced article.

In all honesty it is a pretty interesting article, and probably quite truthful, if only we had the time or energy to put the wine glass down and read it.

From j to l

I’m having another identity crisis.

No, this time it’s not about my status as stay-at-home mum.  This time it’s physical. I’m having to readjust to a significant bodily change.

I have small breasts.

It may sound extreme, but i’ve always been defined by my ample bosoms. It was part of how i saw myself. How others saw me. From the tender onset of puberty. 17 long years of heavy weight scaffolding.

You spend your teenage years learning to accept what nature has given you. I  looked at other girls with smaller bosoms with envy as they paraded around in teeny tops without bras, while they stared jealously at my ample cleavage.  Typical teenage grass is greener syndrome.

You learn to dress appropriately.   What to avoid.  High neck tops disastrous. Push up bras humourously cartoonish. Tops with cups ridiculous lest they finish at the nipple.  What to seek out. Bikinis sold as separates, and tied so tight they leave painful gauges on your shoulders. Sports bras to prevent earthquakes (in my case two worn together).

So by my twenties i pretty much knew what i was doing.

And now it’s all changed.

Okay so the change is not just volume (of course not, i’ve had 2 children), but if you have the filling it’s amazing what the right packaging can do.  No bubble wrap and you’re pretty much stuffed.

The other day i wore a maxi dress. I was absolutely delighted because for the first time since i was 16 i was able to wear a strapless bra and not have breasts like the letter J.

Delighted that was until i bent over in front of the mirror.

Nothing. Except a subtle bulge of bra padding.

Absolutely no cleavage. I looked like a pre-op transexual. A pre-op transexual with a nice strapless bra on mind. But pre-op nonetheless.

Now shapeless in nature, my profile is dictated only by the shape of my bra, sometimes with odd results.

Can someone tell me why that extra baby weight snuggled so happily on my tummy couldn’t have found its way onto my bosoms?

We’re doing our best. Honest.

So, breast is best.

Enough already. I think we’ve got the message.

From the minute we conceive to the time we wean our kids onto solids, this message is everywhere. From the pregnancy pack to the new baby pack, from the posters on the walls of the health centre to the leaflets in the doctor’s surgery.

Now, I breast fed both of my children, so this isn’t a case of sour grapes. I just feel it’s yet another example of giving women a hard time if they fall short of expectations.

Yes, let’s be encouraging. Yes, let’s get all women to feel they can give it a shot. But let’s not make them feel utterly hopeless if it doesn’t work out.

We’re talking ideals here.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all be that perfect parent all of the time? Never shouting at our children – always disciplining in a calm, measured voice. Using biscuits as treats – never as bribes. Setting a good example by only ever drinking alcohol with a meal – and certainly never before the kids bedtime.

Yes, we’d all like to be like that, in an I-D-E-A-L world. But mothers and babies don’t operate in an ideal world.

At the moment we just seem to have come down a little too much on the other side. Are we making new mothers anxious even before they’ve given birth? Are we turning something natural, instinctive into something to be anticipated with fear and doubt just by talking about it too much?

Does the benefit of breastfeeding, overall, in the scheme of things, really justify all this hoohah?

Well the real benefits of breastfeeding aren’t even clear anymore. Until recently we were told plainly and simply that breastfeeding meant a better immune system, greater intelligence, lower chance of allergies, improved maternal bonding, ten times higher salaries (ok i made that last one up). Then Professor Kramer, an advisor to the World Health Organisation and Unicef no less, let the cat out of the bag and declared that most of the evidence was flawed.

Of course i completely agree that selling formula to mothers in the 3rd world is inexusable. (naughty nestle). But, thankfully for us very fortunate mothers over here in the UK (and all of our friends in the developed world), we are blessed with choice.

So if we try breastfeeding and for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, are we really going to damage our children irrevocably by feeding them formula? Are we resigning them to a life working at Macdonalds? Stunting their IQ and their sexual virility to boot?

I’m not trying to be flippant. I would urge everyone to at least give it a go. It really can be a wonderful experience. But, at the end of the day, it is our choice. Our babies. And if we don’t manage to breastfeed stop giving us a hard time about it.

After all isn’t it ok to sometimes just do our best, or even (shock horror) do just enough to get by?

After all, enough really is sometimes good enough.

Alcoholic mother in training

When I first saw these on bottles I had just given birth to my second son. Second time round it had been hard. I had found pregnancy pretty miserable – struggling 40 miles into work each day, coping with a demanding toddler, trying to stay balanced. Yes, I had enjoyed a couple of drinks here and there just to keep me feeling “normal”, less fed up about all the things i couldn’t or wasn’t allowed to do.

As far as i knew that wasn’t illegal…..in fact, I had pretty much followed the UK guidelines to the letter. (no more than one or two units a couple of times a week.) So when i saw this new labelling I was pretty annoyed. How patronising, condescending, sexist. Were women incapable of making their own informed, sensible decisions? Apparently not. Perhaps all those pregnancy hormones running around our bodies do turn previously well-adjusted, sensible women into irresponsible nutcases? In any case, surely it’s a question of closing the stable door after the horse has bolted? Presumably by the time women see this label they’ll have already purchased the bottle, and as they say, once purchased always consumed. (or is that what i say?)

As far as i know under 18s still can’t buy alchohol, and it’s definitely illegal to give any to the under 5s, so where are the symbols of small kids with a line through them? And what about the fat-arsed, beer- bellied men who regularly put themselves at risk of heart attacks? Perhaps they couldn’t fit those on the label.

Apparently staying at home can make mothers drink. According to Dr Toni Galardi we are most likely to turn to alchohol to cope with the demands of children if we have previously had a successful career. Weary, dejected, we turn to alcohol to dull the boredom. No hope for me then.

So perhaps this drinking lark during pregnancy is beneficial after all. It must be good practise to have a few just to get into the swing of things for what’s to come.

Click here for referenced article.

In all honesty it is a pretty interesting article, and probably quite truthful, if only we had the time or energy to put the wine glass down and read it.