If you met me you’d think i was confident. Assertive. And all of that is true, in some ways. If i had to enter a room full of people i didn’t know, i wouldn’t relish it. I’d feel uncomfortable and nervous. But i wouldn’t run away. I’d hold my own.
I don’t mind speaking up. Speaking my own mind. My husband will tell you sometimes i say too much.
But i have low self esteem.
When i compare myself to others i never think i’m quite good enough. Don’t know enough. Can’t do things well enough.
I think people will laugh at my opinions. My lapses of judgement. My silly dress sense.
At times my lack of confidence has been suffocating.
So the thing i wish for more than anything is that my children will believe in themselves.
It would be life changing.
But can someone with low self esteem bring up confident children?
Can a mum who never thinks she’s good enough raise children who believe they can do anything?
Is it nature or nurture?
If confidence is mainly genetic, do i have any control over how they will view themselves? How well they will see themselves matched against others? Whether they will take risks, because they see no limits. Fight their own corner through self-assurance.
Or will naturally cautious, nervous kids always make insecure adults?
If its nurture will i be able to switch off my own insecurities so that my children don’t follow my lead? Will the way i see myself determine how they see themselves? eachother?
I am careful to do all the things they say. Heap praise. Criticise actions not character. Encourage.
Tell them i love them. Unconditionally.
But, in the end, will it be enough?
This post is dedicated to Jobart who still doesn’t know what a great mother she is.