Tag Archives: MAD awards

Mummy’s dirty laundry: Day 2

20 Sep

I liked Caroline the minute I met her. I just knew straight away she was my kind of girl. Straight, no fuss, lots of fun. Then she ruined it all by giving up her blog, Scribbling Mum. What kind of crazy gives up blogging when they’ve just been  nominated as a finalist in two categories of this years MAD blogger awards? To be fair I think she’s just taking a break. I’m sure she’ll be back after the therapy’s finished.

*****

When I’m bored at work I go to the toilet with my phone, or sometimes just to sit. I (pretty much) always put the seat down and just kill five minutes checking my email, day dreaming or lurking around twitter. I flush, cough or make a fuss of pulling out some loo roll if I hear someone else come in, just so I don’t blow my cover.

I always tell my children that those big sit on kids rides outside supermarkets are broken. ‘I know, another one broken. Yes, you’re right they really should get someone to fix them.’ But I do let them sit in them and make their own free fun. More generous Mums will rock up and put their own kids in and the machine will spring to life, but my children know that these Mums must have magic pennies which are terribly hard to come by.

When I’m driving I have a compulsion to add together the numbers on passing car number plates. I also have to count the vowels on road signs or passing trucks and vans. Rain Lady, that’s me. And I’ve never had a crash.

On a fairly regular basis (somewhere between daily and weekly depending on stress levels) I mumble swear under my breath at my kids when they do something that drives me mental. It’s only a matter of time before they ask me what ‘oh fuffus say’ means.

I’ve been known to tweet behind my husbands back. Not metaphorically, literally. Follow these simple rules and it’s possible to chat to tens of people whilst lying in your bed next to your dozing husband on a Sunday morning.

1. Adjust your settings so the button tapping is silent.

2. You must move only your finger. Using your hand or elbow in any way will gently shake the bed which will give you away, or get him wondering just what you’re getting up to over there.

3. If he rolls over DO NOT panic and throw your phone. Simply let out a sleepy moan, roll over whilst at the same time locking your phone and store it under the duvet for later. If he asks why your phone is in the bed just say you were checking your clock for what time it was.