Tag Archives: children

A bad case of louse

23 Oct

I think I’ve got nits. My heads been itching for days. Okay so it might be because I haven’t washed it in over a week, I suspect that might be the case actually. It is now sticking to my head like a wetsuit helmet. But it still could be nits.

And I’ve had a phobia of nits ever since they used to show those magnified images at school. I mean look at them – just how many legs and protrusions and things does a nit need?  And then I got them and I was terrified.   I remember vividly standing in front of the mirror, hair just washed, with armies of nits escaping from my newly clean hair and scampering for their tiny nit lives down my forehead.  I remember the hot itchiness behind my ears. I remember the evil metal comb with its twisted spikes.  And I definitely don’t want them on my person again.

Even the words we use to describe the situation are horrible. Infected. Eggs. Hatched. Bloodsucker. Infestation.

It’d be marginally better if the relationship was even a little symbiotic. A bit of  give and take between me and the nits. I’ll scratch my head and make you some fresh blood, if you run your little scampery legs throuh my hair like an insect detangler. But no, it’s all about the nit. Sucking on your blood like a folicular vampire and  giving you back nothing but an itchy scalp and extra parental duties.

Extra parental duties because if I’ve got them, Big Milk is bound to have them too. So that’ll be a day off school and no time to put up my feet for the cleaning while we spend the day locking heads (okay maybe not literally, with all that jumping) around a bottle of Quit Nit.

Maybe I just won’t check their heads until tonight.

A Milk Retrospective: What do you do all day?

1 Jun

This was my second ever post. It pretty much sums up the reasons why i started blogging in the first place.

Loyal readers will be more than familiar with the themes. Big change. Loss of identity. The need to justify my new existence.

All these feelings are still relevant. Though i’m starting to feel a little more at home in my new life.

For all new readers, enjoy. For all the rest, new post coming soon!

Someone recently said to me “I’m so over work; I can’t wait to have kids and let other people look after me”. Once I’d picked my jaw off the floor, and wiped the piteous look of “oh love, how misguided you are” from my face I felt pretty annoyed. The truth is, if someone had asked me 6 months ago I would have chosen full time work over full time parenthood any day of the week. Looking after kids 24/7 was so much harder than any job i’d had. Even the ones i’d really hated. I read somewhere once that the constant whines for attention from a child work in similar ways to chinese water torture. Ok so this is probably a bit over the top. However I don’t think i’d be exaggerating to describe the worst days as “emotionally traumatic”.

Try and get friends who’ve never experienced it to understand. Impossible. To be fair, what do you expect when every time they ring and ask what you’re doing the reply comes back “I’m in the coffee shop” or “I’m at indoor play”? You can hear the pause as they try to reconcile the nightmarish existence you’ve told them about with their present mental image of you frolicking around the ball pit laughing maniacally.

The truth is, full time parenthood challenges you to your very being. For almost every second of a 12 hour “working” day you have to put your own needs on hold while you pamper to the demands of the most unreasonable and demanding of customers. All this while staying calm and fair. Xist I’ve had days where i’ve put off going the loo for 4 hours because my toddler just would not be put down.

So, Ms Tacoma, what do we do all day? Constantly fall short of our own expectations. And it is thoroughly exhausting. No wonder we don’t want to pick up the phone and talk to “friends” like you.

5 icky things about being mum

27 May
  • smelling poo on your fingers even though you’ve scrubbed them 10 times (usually when you’ve brought your hand up to your mouth to eat, euwww)
  • picking your toddler up for a morning cuddle, a gorgeous squeezy one, and wondering why your sides feel wet / (worse) slimy
  • grinning and bearing head to toe vomit while you prioritise another
  • opening your mouth to receive a piece of soggy, chewed food that your toddler is offering. Motherly love and an instinctive desire to nurture any form of learning.
  • open mouthed kisses when they’re very small. Actually that is really quite lovely.
  • seeing as i shortchanged you with that last one, finding your son using your electric toothbrush on his scrotum because “it feels nice”. (i’m sure there’s a lot worse of that kind to come….)

What are the things that make you go EEEEUUW?