Moving on: Just don’t think about the sex

13 Dec

I said good bye to my family home last week. I always thought I’d meet the people who bought the house, but it just didn’t happen. Time passed and the decision went unmade. Would they want to meet us? Become part of our story? And then it was simply too late to ask.

And so we left the bottle of wine and the card and our sad hearts on the mantelpiece and closed the door for the last time.


A gay couple, that’s all we know.

We didn’t meet them, but that didn’t stop us inventing a really flamboyant back story.  One that would have delighted my mother.  Exquisite taste, a passion for fine wine, classical music and art, prone to flounging about in velvet dressing gowns holding enamel cigarette holders and puff puffing away as they tittle and tattle about the awkward cadences of Mussorgsky.

I can see them now, lounging about in the piano room, gesticulating wildly as they carelessly spill gin and tonic onto the authentic persian rug.  Happy, amused, carefree.

Of course they could be Dale Winton’s brash younger cousins for all I know.

But I like to believe all these things, because they comfort me.

Except for the goings on in the bedroom. My mum enjoyed the company of homosexuals but I know she didn’t like to think too much about the bum sex.

I hope she’s covering her eyes.


7 Responses to “Moving on: Just don’t think about the sex”

  1. brinkofbedlam December 13, 2011 at 10:29 pm #

    haha! Imaginative and funny, and a little wistful too. Lovely post! :O)

  2. vegemitevixmitevix December 13, 2011 at 10:39 pm #

    Always hard to say goodbye, but this post is like a wonderful farewell. I love the back story you’ve created for your home’s buyers. Sounds wicked darling, and quite delightful.

  3. kelloggsville December 13, 2011 at 10:44 pm #

    bum sex?! Oh gee. I can’t believe you just said that. And in the context of saying goodbye to your family home!!! Oh bless your cottons. X

  4. jfb57 December 13, 2011 at 11:03 pm #

    She’s love it I’m sure! Now you can relax.xx

  5. dorkymum December 14, 2011 at 11:36 am #

    Brilliant post – gave me a really good laugh. We’ve just said goodbye to a house too and were desperate for a couple just like the one you describe to move in, just because we knew it would irritate a neighbour that we didn’t like very much…

  6. Muddling Along December 14, 2011 at 4:53 pm #

    I love that image of them in their smoking jackets but did sort of read the last bit from between my fingers

  7. Mrs TeePot December 16, 2011 at 2:36 pm #

    Lol! I’m sure they’ll take good care of the house.

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