What a load of quark. Why I hate diets.

16 Oct

I’m on a diet and I’m eating sodding Quark. Things are not good.

And I don’t do diets.  I think it’s a miserable state of affairs. All that counting and measuring and recording.  Taking off all the good bits like crispy skin, singed fat and a side-order of fries, and leaving yourself with all the tasteless insipid shit.  Eating more fruit and vegetables than you’ve eaten in years, downing gallons of diet drinks in the hope they’ll fill up your grumbling tummy enough to get you through to the next yoghurt-kissed rice cake.  Dreaming of butter and  monosodium glutamate while nearly passing out with unsatiated desire.

And largely speaking, diets DON’T work.   You’re just on and off them for life. Batted between gnat tum and fat tum.

But I’ve put on a stone and a half in the 5 months after my mum died.  You’d think being a skinny bint would be payback for months of heartache, but oh no, in my case my arse just got bigger to keep my heavy heart company.

So i’m raping and pillaging the extra weight from my loins and then i’m never dieting again.  And I’m sending the half eaten packet of Quark to WeightWatcher HQ and telling them to stuff it where the sun don’t shine.  Which is probably quite rotund considering that noone at weightwatchers including the so-called “advisors” are thin.

Except me, of course. I will be thin. Honest.

9 Responses to “What a load of quark. Why I hate diets.”

  1. Julia Skinner October 16, 2011 at 12:05 pm #

    I’ve been dieting since I was 14 and it never works. The only thing I’ve found is listening to Paul McKenna ‘I Will Make You Thin’. I used it when I was amalgamating two schools & the pounds were galloping on. It makes you relax. That’s it. Simples! I’ve gone back to it in the last couple of weeks because life is crazy busy at the moment & it is working. It makes me feel calm, that makes me feel happier which means I don;t pig out. The rules are: Eat what you want, eat when you are hungry, eat slowly, stop as soon as your tummy starts to feel full. Try it. Better than Quork any day!

  2. marketingtomilk October 16, 2011 at 12:26 pm #

    Yes “mindful eating”. It is what I believe in too, generally speaking, i just needed a way of getting off this stone and half, and then that is my goal to keep me at the weight my body is intended for. x

  3. Mrs Teepot October 16, 2011 at 7:06 pm #

    Aww bless ya! I hear “little and often” is the best ‘diet’ if you want to call it that. Chuck the Quark my love!

  4. Kirrily October 17, 2011 at 2:45 am #

    Oh man, how I am looking forward to the day when my own rear end stops following me. I swear, it’s like someone else’s butt is shadowing my every move.

    Dieting is nobody’s way of staying thin but I get why you’re doing it now – to get the weight down. It’s got its usefulness if used that way and you know your mindset is going to be on maintenance once you get to where you want to be. And emotional eating? How I hear you on THAT one. Much love xxx

  5. kelloggsville October 17, 2011 at 7:51 am #

    Quark? Quark doesn’t sound natural. Is it? It can’t be?! LOL good luck x

  6. vegemitevixmitevix October 17, 2011 at 8:12 pm #

    About six years ago I lost 25 kg over a period of 8 months. I didn’t diet. In fact that was the one thing I didn’t do. I started running, and started mindfully eating, tasting what I put in my gob and enjoying my food. I wouldn’t waste time on crap carbs or fats, if I was going to eat fat it would be the runniest Brie in the world, or the very best chips cooked so they are crisp on the outside and cushion-filled with potato fluff.

    I’ve never been very successful with dieting. I was once kicked out of a Weight Watchers’ club for waxing lyrical about a chocolate bar. ;-p

    • marketingtomilk October 17, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

      Are you trying to kill me with your talk of fluffy chips and chocolate? I might just have to through you out of here ;>)


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    […] as you may already know, I am currently on a diet. I don’t believe in diets. yada […]

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