Impact

29 May

I originally wrote this post in early Feb when my mum was first diagnosed with cancer, and posted it on my friend Vegemitevix’s blog.  Looking back I still can’t quite believe I had sensed so much way before the doctors did.  If I’m honest, I had known something was coming months and months before.  Sensed the dark, ominous cloud overhead. I’d just never admitted it.  And that car? It came in for a  second, third, fourth time, and the impact was devastating……..but I’m still standing.

Look at the posts I’ve been writing – That moment, Walk on by. Somewhere amongst the feathers of the pillow that I was burying my head in – I knew that car was after me.

Tell me a body is just bones, sinews and water. That the brain is merely a computer wired with neurons and synapses. Biological. Functional. And I’ll open up my heart and show you what’s inside. In my heart I knew. Sixth sense? Instinct? Love?

Last Tuesday that car finally sped round the corner and made contact. Then it reversed, stopped and put its hand brakes on. It waits, ready to go in for a second time.

Can I carry it? Or will my smug platitudes be laid bare. Only time will tell.

3 Responses to “Impact”

  1. Doodlemum May 30, 2011 at 10:41 am #

    Similar things happened to me. I don’t think about them these days because I could never explain them. A case of having your worse fears confirmed, bad probability, whatever…. It’s never met with a satisfied feeling of “Oh I was right then, there we are…”
    Coming to terms with everything takes time, you don’t have to have answers for everything just a sense of things in the right place and for you right now, there’ll all up in the air.
    Such a heartfelt piece of writing, you have my thoughts today.

  2. bsouth May 30, 2011 at 4:44 pm #

    I think some people are more receptive to change and things happening. Some people are just a little bit psychic. I’m not, and I think I’m glad of that.

  3. Vegemitevix June 3, 2011 at 12:51 pm #

    I understand these feelings, and have had similar experiences myself (like knowing something was up with Dad for example). I think some people are naturally psychic, it often goes with an artistic nature. Maybe it’s part of your Mum’s inheritance along with your passion for music, your talent for writing? Vx

I'm all about the debate. Would love to hear what you think.

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