Why can’t men……

17 Aug

(a few gripes about “liquids” and things)

Why can’t men wee in the right place? I mean they’ve been blessed with the anatomical equivalent of a super charged water gun, so where exactly is the problem? It’s either all over the floor and seat. Or in the wardrobe.

Ok, so i’m mainly talking about my sons (the floor) but my husband is about the only grown up man i know that has never weed in a wardrobe (to my knowledge anyhow). In the case of a good friend (no names) he was partial to a wee in his girlfriend’s shoes. Ok, it was when he was drunk. But if you’re going to bother to wee into something, surely it might as well be the toilet. Otherwise, the floor is just as good. Or bad. If you see what i mean.

And why don’t men notice things? It’s not as if they even just walk straight PAST things without noticing. They can walk through, in or even OVER things. Put a dirty nappy in their path through the front door, sat just waiting to be put out, and they’ll step over it. Carefully, so as not to squidge out its contents. And when you ask them “Did you not see that nappy waiting to go out” they’ll say “What nappy?”.

And empty cartons of milk put back in the fridge. Sorry, let’s rephrase that. Put back with “s-o-m-e left”, if you count enough for a bumble bee bidet as a useable portion.

And toilet rolls. How do they manage to leave just enough to wipe a badger’s arse, but certainly not mine. The last bit that’s always stuck solid to the loo roll. “But there’s s-o-m-e left”. Here we go again. So they don’t bin it. How considerate.

They’re also pretty economical at finding space in a bin bag.

Christ. In hindsight what am i complaining about? Their super-economy, non-wasteful activities are positively laudible. They’ll be saving the planet right there.

To be fair i’m pretty sure it’s not all purposeful cheek. They really just don’t seem to register.


Actually, I watched a documentary once that tried to argue this point, backing it up with quasi-scientific (that’s “fabricated” to me and you) evidence. Women are programmed to notice detail, men are not. That’s why we are more naturally suited to the domestic.

No really, they did try to argue that.

Oh well, it’s not all bad. At least it means they believe you when you tell them you’ve had that pair of shoes since, like, F-O-R-E-V-E-R, when you prance out for a night on the town with a brand new pair of (non sale) jimmy choo shoes.

(Yeah, okay, who am i kidding? Dorothy Perkins with the labels still intact)

Still, it’s like pulling the wool over the just opened, watery eyes of a tiny baby lamb. Ahhh.


18 Responses to “Why can’t men……”

  1. jomiddleton August 17, 2010 at 12:08 pm #

    I know men who have weed in wardrobes, beds AND laundry baskets if that is reassuring at all? Probably not in terms of men generally…

  2. MyLifesChaotic August 17, 2010 at 12:15 pm #

    I continually find empty plates in the fridge. That’s plates that DID have leftovers on them, the fridge has been opened – the leftovers scoffed – AND THE PLATE LEFT IN THE FRIDGE!
    Once I left the plate (and the knife that must have been used to cut the leftovers into manageable biting chunks) in the fridge for a week – and he still didnt notice / move them. Actually I lie he did move them over a bit so that he could get at the yoghurt behind. When challenged about this behaviour he genuinely couldn’t see what I was making a fuss about – why didn’t I just remove the plate and knife if it was bothering me so much. GAAHHHH!!!

    (Mind this is the same man that leaves his paperwork all over the kitchen table, never puts his clean washing back in the drawers and who complains constantly about the mess the children make and “why can’t they tidy up after themselves)!!!

    • marketingtomilk August 17, 2010 at 12:37 pm #

      that amuses me, but doesn’t surprise me one little bit.

  3. TheMadHouse August 17, 2010 at 12:26 pm #

    MadDad has never pee’d in a wardrobe either, but the boys inattentiveness when it comes to aiming really bothers me. I am sick of cleaning round the loo.

    If I had my way urinals would be banned too. I was a facilities manager in my past life and the horrors or men and urinals – well it is best left unsaid!

    Also I am really lucky that MadDad is well trained in household affairs!

    • marketingtomilk August 17, 2010 at 12:36 pm #

      Christ, i forgot to mention that one.
      I’d never really seen a urinal until my eldest went to preschool.
      i was absolutely stunned.
      I suppose it made sense. Men are too lazy to flush the chain, so it does it for them.
      and no, i’d rather not hear your stories.

  4. Rosemary August 17, 2010 at 4:53 pm #

    That post was so funny! I applaud you.


  5. billfathers August 17, 2010 at 4:58 pm #

    I hesitate to step into this viper’s nest but I can’t let such poisonous vitriol go unchallenged. It’s only a widdle for goodness sake. What a lot of fuss you do make.

    • marketingtomilk August 17, 2010 at 5:21 pm #

      don’t worry, the next post is entitled “why don’t women”.
      I do like to be balanced in my vitriol. ;<)

  6. Muddling Along Mummy August 17, 2010 at 7:38 pm #

    Bumble bee bidet… priceless!

  7. webworkingwoman August 17, 2010 at 8:51 pm #

    Laughing so hard at these – my husband thinks he is tidy and that it is the rest of the house that makes and doesn’t clear up the mess. He made me a gorgeous meal on saturday – it took me an hour and a half to clean the kitchen – he had used 6 pans and 17 bowls!!!! and plates with scraps of food – we have that all the time! That and random bottles of chilli sauces and chutneys. grrrrrr

  8. Vegemitevix August 17, 2010 at 9:08 pm #

    And whilst we’re pondering the mystery that is men, why do they fold the washing, but cannot PUT IT AWAY? Seriously? Why? Why?

    • marketingtomilk August 17, 2010 at 9:12 pm #

      umm, since when do they “fold the washing”?
      Carry the washing i folded up upstairs from A to B and leave on the bed. Okay i concede to that much.

  9. Pants With Names August 17, 2010 at 10:08 pm #

    And the ability to step over a pile of clean clothes, all folded, all ready and waiting to go upstairs and, crucially, THAT ALL BELONG TO HIM!

    I might have had a bit of a row about this one this morning…

  10. Simone August 17, 2010 at 10:23 pm #

    Hear Hear!! Loved this post Henri!

  11. jfb57 August 18, 2010 at 9:29 am #

    Liked this a lot!! You are so right – they are hopeless at noticing unless it’s something they have had a hand in. BTW I like the cows but also like the milk. (Sorry no help #justsaying)

  12. AdrianS August 19, 2010 at 8:02 pm #

    i jest slightly when i suggest you need to understand men a little more….. Try googling ‘flies, Amsterdam, and urinals’.

  13. AdrianS August 19, 2010 at 8:04 pm #

    Ps. The only person I have ever known to get so drunk they left a Mr Whippy in the bedroom, bathroom and hallway. Yup a woman.

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