Have you ever?

18 Jul
  • Gone to leave for nursery / the childminder / the grandparents and noticed rather an obvious smell coming from your littlest’s nappy, but muttered under your breath that you if you stop to change it now you’ll be horribly late, and in any case it’s probably just a very potent fart.
  • Thought to yourself that your son/daughter feels a trifle hot / is producing quite a lot of snot / generally not themselves this morning, but packed them off to school anyway, not because you have an important deadline to hit at work, but because you’ve been looking forward to this day to yourself for ages. If you don’t get this time to yourself your own mental health might be at risk, and just who on God’s earth would look after the children then?
  • Noticed a brown mark on some bedclothes where you last changed your littlest, and quickly turned over the pillow / pulled up the duvet telling yourself it was probably chocolate. You purposefully don’t check because if you did confirm it as poo you’d either have to change them (and you just don’t think you can bear to change them a-g-a-i-n, they were clean on a week ago) or if you left them, you’d be knowingly acting like an unsavoury fishwife and you just don’t think you can face having that on your conscious today.
  • Gone to heat up the leftover lasagne/mashed potato / a.n.other food stuff, noticed it smelt a bit funny (i.e. off) but told yourself you were probably mistaken, because if you have to cook another dinner from scratch the kids will certainly melt down this time, and you don’t think you can take anymore today.
  • Gone to stop yourself from flying off the hook at bedtime, and then secretly thought “Actually, if i do get angry about this now, i could use it as an excuse for no books /tv before bedtime which would mean they’d be safely tucked up in bed in under 10 minutes and i’ll be sat drinking a glass of wine within 15. “

You haven’t?


13 Responses to “Have you ever?”

  1. jomiddleton July 18, 2010 at 5:17 pm #


    All those things.


    Perhaps not the poo related ones nowadays, but definitely the last one 😉

  2. TheMadHouse July 18, 2010 at 5:19 pm #

    Still trying to comment, but I guess I have done mych worse

  3. Sandrine July 18, 2010 at 6:01 pm #

    Yes to all! Except maybe the lasagna one. It’s too hot to mess with dodgy food a lot of the time and avoiding food poisonning is a fairly big deal when you’re a foreigner in Turkey!

  4. jfb57 July 18, 2010 at 6:25 pm #

    No I haven’t (well not THESE specific ones!) but lots of others! Don’t worry – your secret is safe!

  5. Peggy July 18, 2010 at 7:12 pm #

    some of them definitely! and things like not changing an obviously pooey nappy before dropping them at childminder, handing them other saying “oh dear, smells like he’s JUST pooped” and leaving it to her to change them…

  6. Jess July 18, 2010 at 7:22 pm #

    If you do pack ’em off to school/nursery when they might be ill and it is because you have a big deadline at work does that make it any more acceptable?

    And where would their dad be in all this? Could he take time off if you needed him to be there to give you much needed head space/time to work?

    I regularly do all the others on this list. And worse! And more! But I wouldn’t take them to nursery if I thought they might be sick. Mostly for them but a lot out of mum solidarity. I don’t know what the other families in the class might be facing up to; another kid catching an illness they could’ve avoided if my kid had stayed at home might just tip some poor mum/dad/carer over the edge!

    Doesn’t it make you feel cross if you see other parents chancing it?

    • marketingtomilk July 19, 2010 at 6:51 am #

      ummm, no not really ;<) should i feel guilty? it's not as if i'd pack them off with chicken pox or the plague. A snotty nose is a badge of honour in my nursery, if you don't have one you're positively bulled.

  7. Paula July 18, 2010 at 9:36 pm #

    Three of them – but I’m not telling you which three! x

  8. Yve July 19, 2010 at 7:00 am #

    I don’t want to come over all judgy mcjudgealot as I would guess you are exaggerating to some extent and would bet your kids are healthy, happy and well cared for. However, just think how this would read if this described looking after vulnerable older people not your children… Left sitting in poo, sleeping in poo, eating bad food because you can’t open a can of beans, told off simply because you want a glass of wine? Sounds like neglect then right?

    • marketingtomilk July 19, 2010 at 7:12 am #

      me, exaggerate? never!
      It’s just as well i’m not being paid a proper wage for it then, isn’t it Yve?!

  9. amy July 20, 2010 at 5:35 pm #

    oh yes i love the honesty!!! done everything apart from the food, there is never any leftover in our house they are all far too greedy!!!!!

  10. Mwa July 22, 2010 at 9:52 pm #

    Yes to three of them. (Blushing now.)

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