Before i proceed to this Friday’s assassination let me return to the subject of kiddie bike trailers for a minute (my nemesis in last week’s Friday 101). By co-incidence the following day I had the misfortune to find myself driving behind one of these contraptions on a busy road in Beckenham.
I say that i found myself behind one. Actually i didn’t even realise that this was what the bike was trailing until i was a few feet behind it. No warning sign, no “kids on board” badge, no nothing.
It turned out we were going to the same destination (the gym). Upon arrival, out of the contraption came not one, but two of the most beautiful, angelic little girls you’ve ever seen. Both under 5 with cherubic curly blonde hair. I remembering thinking to myself “Well at least that’s something. You’ll fit right in with the angels when your stupid dad *ing kills you”.
Anyway, onto today’s rant.
CYCLISTS.
There i’ve said it.
Okay, before i alienate the rest of my readership (my brother-in-law and many good friends in the process) let me narrow that brush stroke down.
My distaste for 2-wheeling vehiclists is specifically directed at those that:
1) don’t wear helmets, or even worse, send their own children out without protective headgear. If they want their own heads smashed against the corner of a pavement then i suppose so be it, but have some more respect and consideration for the lives of your children.
2) think that red lights only apply to motorised vehicles. You’re on the road, obey the law of the road.
3) ride on pavements. i’ve had the misfortune to have been knocked by a cyclist (who had almost slowed to a stop) and it really bloody hurt. i don’t much fancy being hit at a decent speed by someone who’s too frightened of being hit by a car, but doesn’t give a damn about hitting me. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal anyway, so let’s just call you criminals.
4) transport pieces of mail of various shapes and sizes under the name of “bicycle courier”. One word. Nutcases.
5) feel that all car drivers are arseholes and should be treated as such, even when it is clearly them that has just pulled the crazy manoeuvre. If you’re going to pull out to pass a parked vehicle without looking, don’t blame me if it doesn’t end well for you.
For fear of not being controversial enough last week, not inciting enough debate (you all, quite boringly, agreed with me on the subject of kiddie bike trailers) i have chosen to assassinate quite a big demographic this week. So, over to you friendly 2-wheeling folk…..Don’t let me down.
